The In-between
“When you find yourself existing in the space between dreams realized, parts of you will feel too big for where you are, while other parts of you will feel too small for where you’re going. Go anyway.” ~ Elaine Welteroth
I read a lot, but most of y’all already knew that. This year, I’ve changed the way that I read, and my reading is changing me. Let me share how.
Several years ago, I received excellent advice from two men I greatly respect.
The First is Cedric Sparks, Sr. From 2011 through 2019, I had the privilege of serving with the City of Birmingham Mayor’s Office Division of Youth Services under the leadership of Mr. Cedric Sparks, Sr. (That’s a very black way to make a statement, we always talking about who the leader and pastor of this organization or that church is. Anywho. I digress, back to the topic at hand). His depth and breadth of knowledge amazed me. He never seemed out of place in conversations. He could seamlessly navigate any topic. To say the least, I was enthralled. One day during a conversation in the breakfast nook (if you know, you know), I finally asked him how he acquired so much knowledge. His answer was, “I once asked someone I admired the same question.” Their answer was, “make it a habit to know a little bit about a lot of things.” “Why?” I asked. His answer: “You will connect with more people around their interests, and it will be easier to find common ground.” Great advice.
The second person is Thabiti Anybwile, Pastor of Anacostia River Church in the Anacostia Community of Washington, D.C. Meeting and having a few conversations with Pastor Anybwile was me meeting one of my heroes. Uh, I wish I had a picture of him and me, but here is one below (he’s the guy on the right.—we were at the Just Gospel Conference in 2017 hosted by The Front Porch). In 2016, I asked him about growing myself as a young leader and how I should prepare myself for everything in my heart. One of the nuggets of advice he gave me was, “read broadly about a lot of things, and read deeply about a few things.”
Both of these men encouraged me to find my niche (you pronounce it how you pronounce it, but I pronounce it like Merriam-Webster: “nich,” “nesh,” or “nish.” Yeah, click the link and look it up. They don’t know how to pronounce it either). These men told me to live in the world but find the unique ways God designed me. To pursue and discover my interests, but don’t neglect the interests of others, and I’d need both for where I’m going. I needed deep knowledge of my areas of concern and a broad understanding of how I could make an impact in those areas of concern. I also required a comprehensive understanding of what’s happening in the world and how it operates. They told me it would make me a better leader and man. I would be more understanding, slow to speak, and slow to anger. I wouldn’t make as many assumptions and be less prideful ( I wouldn’t think that my answers were the only answer or that I was always right).
Their wisdom taught me to be hungry and humble but avoid hustling. Hustle culture is exhausting and often leads to burnout and frustration. I’m all for the grind, but hustling makes one unable to truly celebrate their wins. It exacerbates mental health challenges[1] and has contributed to the recent Great Resignation.[2] It makes life more about success and less about true greatness. It prioritizes the wrong things and leaves the essentials under-cared for.[3] It causes us to focus more on career success than overall greatness. I recently listed to an interview on the EntreLeaderhip podcast between Dave Ramsey and Lewis Howes, who authored the book The Greatness Mindset. During the interview, Howes discussed how success is more individualistic and greatness is more team-oriented. We can have great lives, great families, great friendships, and achieve great things at work by prioritizing the right things.
I digress. I’m off-topic.
This leads me to the quote by Elaine Welteroth at the beginning of this post (shoutout to Wife for the introduction). Lately, I’ve been living in the space between. Where you are doing things you love but aren’t utilizing all of your gifts or fully realizing your dreams. I am both preparing and living. This year has been like the beginning of Charles Dickens’s novel A Tale of Two Cities. “The best of times and the worst of times.” In that space between, my reading has evolved. I’m reading for healing, preparation, exposure, and depth. Sometimes I read something just to make it through the day. Who am I kidding? Sometimes it’s just to make it out of bed. Other times I read full of expectation, imagining how to utilize the knowledge I’m gaining to live in my dreams. So far this year, I’ve completed eleven books falling into three categories:
Category 1 - Heal Black Man (I’m the Black man in need of healing)
Young, Gifted, and Black: A Journey of Lament and Celebration - Sheila Wise Rowe
We Go On: Finding Purpose in All of Life’s Sorrows and Joys - John Onwuchekwa
Shoutin’ In the Fire: An American Epistle - Danté Stewart
Battle Cry: Waging and Winning the War Within - Jason Wilson
Cry Like a Man: Fighting for Freedom from Emotional Incarceration - Jason Wilson
Category 2 - Work: Present & Future
Agency: The Four Point Plan (F.R.E.E.) for ALL Children to Overcome the Victimhood Narrative and Discover Their Pathway to Power - Ian Rowe
Category 3 - Fun
Amari and the Night Brothers - B.B. Alston
Amari and the Great Game - B.B. Alston
Straight Shooter: A Memoir of First Takes and Second Chances - Stephen A. Smith
Uphill: A Memoir - Jemele Hill
I’m also currently working my way through a few books:
The Matter of Black Lives: Writings from THE NEW YORKER - Edited by Jelani Cobb and David Remnick (Work: Present & Future)
Just Spirituality: How Faith Practices Fuel Social Action - Mae Elise Cannon (Heal Black Man)
Kingdom Values: Character > Chaos - Dr. Tony Evans (Heal Black Man)
American Negro Songs: 230 Folk Songs and Spirituals, Religious and Secular - John W. Work (Work: Present & Future)
Time: The Untold Story of the Love That Held Us Together When Incarceration Kept Us Apart - Fox & Rob Richardson (Work: Present & Future)
Psalms for Black Lives: Reflections for the Work of Liberation - Gabby Cudjoe-Wiles & Andrew Wilkes (Heal Black Man)
I Won’t Shut Up: Finding Your Voice When the World Tries to Silence You - Ally Henny (For review on my podcast, this book hasn’t been released yet) - (Work)
I don’t share this to brag about how many books I juggle (I’ve learned reading several books is like enjoying multiple television shows). Boasting is not my purpose. I almost didn’t share this list because I feared being misunderstood. I read as I do in this season of life because I’ve made commitments requiring sacrifices.
Before this year began, my wife led our family through vision and goal-setting exercises. It was actually less about goals and more about values. Those long sessions forced me to wrestle with my values. She constantly reminded me that I have to be clear about what I value and what I will commit my time to. If you don’t have guardrails, then you will probably derail. You’ll get past January, and life will hit, as it always does, and you will lose focus. So I did the hard work of setting a few values and making commitments to those things. My “Best Yes” meant I needed to give some things and people a clear “no.” I began clarifying how I wanted to spend my time this year and started to cut things out of my life that I enjoyed but were no longer priorities. I thought deeply about where I wanted to go and who I still wanted to be. I thought about my unique gifts and how I wanted to nurture and steward them. I thought about the influence I’d like to have, the people I want to meet, and how I need to prepare to engage them. I utilized the advice I was given, and I started to commit. Knowing that unwavering commitment requires deep sacrifice.
There were times this year when I felt so discouraged that I didn’t want to keep going. I felt overwhelmed and undervalued in moments of doubt, shame, and fear. But in my wrestling, I remembered my values and my commitments. Sometimes I had to sacrifice my time. Other times I had to sacrifice my self-pity. My wallowing. My TV watching. My couch time. My gas money. My pride. My selfishness. My commitments and values have kept me sturdy. Bringing me back to prayer and meditation in scripture. Pushing me to work out, turn off the tv, and read a book (shout to all the parents who ever encouraged this in their children). My commitments remind me of the value of writing a blog post every week and contacting authors about interviewing them on my podcast. They push me to show up at my daughter’s soccer games (I value this, but Lord, they play all over the place) and to volunteer at concession stands or show up at church.
Mr. Sparks, mentioned above, used to quote to his staff, “When opportunity knocks, it’s too late to prepare.” I’m preparing now for what’s to come. I’m preparing myself to better represent Christ to my wife and daughter. My wife and daughter deserve a man that’s willing to become whole, someone who can be compassionate, gentle, clear, strong, and present. Someone who listens well but is also a trusted advisor. They need me to be someone of substance, moving closer to them and our Heavenly Father. I’m preparing to be a better leader—a diligent leader who is moved with compassion but unwavering in mission. I’m preparing my head, heart, and hands for all that God has called me to, and I’m committed to moving forward in the journey, even when it comes at a personal sacrifice.